Ali, thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed being able to listen to your reading of the poem.
I found myself wondering on reading “with both hands free” what the speaker's other hand had been doing throughout the poem. Was it, I wonder, limp at her side, closed into a fist like the other, or perhaps it was all the time holding tightly to the father? Not, to be clear, a question I necessarily expect or advise you to answer. Just something that occurred to me by way of response.
Your, to me unexpected, choice of the words “Our Father” in the third stanza also stood out. Perhaps you are trying to draw in echos of the Lord's prayer? Maybe you are hoping to invite the reader into the speaker's experience? Still, I think maybe “My” might serve better. A friend once warned me that the impulse to say all the things that I think I ought to say, to be too careful and correct, can easily mar a poem. Not every truth needs to be equally in view at all times. Every little girl ought to allowed a little tender, secret intimacy with her father. Sometimes he is simply hers and hers alone.
Needed to open my phone and read this! Saving this probably forever haha!! Thank you for sharing this 🤍
This means so much to me! Thank you for taking the time to comment. 🤍
I love this! ANd the voiceover was excellent!
Thank you, Jamie! Grateful for you.
You write this for me? 😭😭
You and me both, sister. 🥲
This one resonated with me, friend. Thank you for sharing 🩵
I’m so glad. Thank you for reading, friend. <3
This is so comforting! Thank you for this!
Ali, thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed being able to listen to your reading of the poem.
I found myself wondering on reading “with both hands free” what the speaker's other hand had been doing throughout the poem. Was it, I wonder, limp at her side, closed into a fist like the other, or perhaps it was all the time holding tightly to the father? Not, to be clear, a question I necessarily expect or advise you to answer. Just something that occurred to me by way of response.
Your, to me unexpected, choice of the words “Our Father” in the third stanza also stood out. Perhaps you are trying to draw in echos of the Lord's prayer? Maybe you are hoping to invite the reader into the speaker's experience? Still, I think maybe “My” might serve better. A friend once warned me that the impulse to say all the things that I think I ought to say, to be too careful and correct, can easily mar a poem. Not every truth needs to be equally in view at all times. Every little girl ought to allowed a little tender, secret intimacy with her father. Sometimes he is simply hers and hers alone.
Beautiful words Ali. Simply beautiful.